Cannibal Coffee
| Cannibal Coffee | |
|---|---|
| Players |
|
+----+ Gareth +----------------------------------------------------------------+ This is some chainy coffee shop, the kind where everyone wears the same apron except for the Coffee Connoisseurs, who wear dark blue and to a man (because of course they're all men) wear their hair in man buns. The same 'jazz coffeeshop ambience' playlist that every other tryhard 'one of a kind' coffee shop plays is playing over the speakers, mellow jazz piano turned up too loud filling the mostly-deserted shop. MOstly-deserted, that is, except for Gareth, a man who looks like he's filled with regret. Primarily at this moment, coming in here, the thin man doing his best to ignore the barista trying to make cheerful conversation with him about the importance of the right *grind* for the roast level of your beans, answering with only grunts, quick nods, and 'mmhmm?'s whereever he can as his eyes scan the empty seats for *some* means of escape. His coffee is taking a *painfully* long time to arrive, as apparently if you don't get the water to precisely the right temperature your coffee will be ruined forever. +----+ Zachary +---------------------------------------------------------------+ Does Zach know the right grind? Maybe, maybe. But for now he's posted up in a corner table, one with a good view of both the door and the street outside through the big moody industrial windows. He's got a laptop open on the table before him, but the thing he's slouching down behind looks so old and battered it's a wonder it even turns on. Even the stickers on it seem ancient, cracked and faded. Denim blue eyes peek over the top of the screen, catching Gareth's in a moment of commiseration and sympathy. He gives a pointed look at his flipped open laptop - and it DOES look like he's hiding behind it, positioned as far from the hive of coffee creationists as he can get without being outside. Gareth could hide, too, maybe! He has that big coat! Of course, none of this is actually being communicated, so he's just a lanky guy in an artful slouch, making eyes at a stranger. +----+ Gareth +----------------------------------------------------------------+ It takes three tries before the barista is happy with the way they've tamped down the coffee before *finally*, *blessedly*, the coffee is delivered in a takeout cup, slid across the counter at Gareth with a soulless, cheerful smile. The barista opens his mouth, probably to comment on how many seconds to leave the coffee before tasting it before Gareth cuts him off by snatching up the coffee and fleeing with a "sorry just saw my friend!", and dashing towards Zach. "HI!" he says over-loudly before mouthing 'help please pretend to know me!' +----+ Zachary +---------------------------------------------------------------+ "There you are," Zach greets with lazy cheer. "Just in time. I was almost out of hardcore pornography to watch." The wink aimed at the barista tops it off, just like a dollop of whipped cream on a latte. It works about the same, melting quickly into something sad in the man's expression as he quickly looks away from his WEIRDO CUSTOMER. The screen is actually not even on, someone might observe, as it isn't throwing light onto Zach's face. He leans slightly closer to Gareth and asks in a conspiratorial tone, "It's wild, right? It's like they've got a whole coffee society I just do not know the rules of." And more quietly, "'m Zach." +----+ Gareth +----------------------------------------------------------------+ "Thank you," Gareth says in a murmur, dropping into the chair opposite Zach like a bird settling in a nest, his coat riding up as the material catches on the seat. "Who decided that *coffee* should have *rules*? Very very expensive rules," he says mournfully as he looks at his coffee cup that's probably mostly artisanal air. "I'm Gareth, thank you for saving me from the coffee underworld." +----+ Zachary +---------------------------------------------------------------+ Zachary spreads his hands before this thanks. "That's what I do," he says somberly, in his deep voice, and then does not elaborate. "That's why I drink it black. Does it taste good, here? No. Is it good for me? Also no. But does it have free refills? Yes. Yes, it does." He grabs a tall cup and toasts with it, grimacing after he drinks. "How about you?" +----+ Gareth +----------------------------------------------------------------+ "Caffeine is a key food group and I was meeting a client," Gareth says, skipping between topics with ease, his words rapid-fire. One might think he was pre-caffeinated. "But they didn't show and I decided before my next appointment I should get another coffee." There's a long pause as he thinks about it. "I mean my next appointment is tomorrow but so what?" He offers a quick smile before he cants his head at Zach, turning it this way and that as if trying to suss him out from different angles. "You... come here and stare at a turned off screen just for the free refills? Surely there are better places for that?" he wonders. +----+ Zachary +---------------------------------------------------------------+ Zachary laughs, a low honey-whiskey sound. "Maybe," he allows. "I haven't found em yet, though. The search continues." He sucks his teeth for just a moment, considering Gareth, before deciding to ask. "How'd you know I was sitting here with the screen off?" Almost six foot tall, this pale man looks chronically underfed, his frame slender and bony. Topped off with a mop of shaggy black hair, his unshaven face is thin, sharp blue-grey eyes watching from under heavy dark brows. A gangly man, he moves with the kind of energy usually ascribed to birds - quick, easy to startle, looking at everything. He wears a heavy grey woollen coat that's certainly seen better days, sized for someone with a bigger frame, giving him the impression of being slowly swallowed by a cloth monstrosity. A dark t-shirt, jeans and running shoes 'complete' the ensemble. +----+ Gareth +----------------------------------------------------------------+ Gareth watches Zachary laugh with an edge of smugness, like he makes it his mission to get a smile out of people. He inclines his head towards the laptop. "No backlight," he explains with a shrug of one bony shoulder. "Well, that or you can read it without a backlight but I consider that quite deep in the realms of 'unlikely'." There's another quick smile. "Noticing things is my job." +----+ Zachary +---------------------------------------------------------------+ Zachary laughs again, this time the shorter and huffier exhale of one who is just a little embarrassed. Like he missed something obvious. "Right. Well. Makes a little bit of camoflauge, even if you aren't in the mood to watch Friends." Sitting up in his chair a few inches, he wonders, "So who is paying you to notice things? What kinda job is that?" +----+ Gareth +----------------------------------------------------------------+ "I promise not to blow your cover," Gareth says, holding up four fingers. "Scout's honor," he says with a toothy grin. "Gareth Evans, Private Investigator extraordinaire at your service," he says with a flourish, half-bowing in his chair, nearly toppling out of it before he leans back, face flushed with the effort of not laughing, an expression that sobers quickly. "And well - not many people at the moment," he says, defensive. +----+ Zachary +---------------------------------------------------------------+ Many people or not, Zach looks instantly impressed. "Wait, you're a private eye? Like..." His brow furrows, mind casting about desperately for an example. "Dick Tracy?" Nope, not even close. "That's badass! Get a lot of people who think their wives are cheating on them? That kind of thing?" +----+ Gareth +----------------------------------------------------------------+ "Hey, I'll take Dick Tracy," Gareth says with a warm smile, sitting up straighter. "Well uh.. I try to do things with a bit more... Like I'm *really* good at finding people who've gone missing," he says. It looks like he's trying to be defensive about it, but Zach's *impressedness* wins him over and he relents. "But yeah," he sighs. "It's a lot of 'please follow my wife because I think she's cheating on me because she occasionally goes out with *friends* and doesn't invite me'," he says, lip curling upwards in a sneer. "I hate that kind of work but, I've got to eat, you know?" He does not look like someone who eats. +----+ Zachary +---------------------------------------------------------------+ "You should," Zach agrees readily. "You should eat." He has glimpsed Gareth, after all. "No shame in that. You're not the one hiring someone to follow his partner around because he's...insecure?" He tilts his head to give a sort of sly, sidelong look. "Or are they usually right?" [Public] Liam has joined this channel. [Cgen] Liam has joined this channel. +----+ Gareth +----------------------------------------------------------------+ "I eat when I can," Gareth says, crossing his arms, his tone *deeply* defensive, like Zach's touched a particularly sore spot. "Ehhhhh" he says, realising he has to free one hand but he's *not* happy about it, doing so so he can tip it from side to side. "Fifty-fifty." +----+ Zachary +---------------------------------------------------------------+ "I hear that," Zach says, with a hint of sympathy. "It's like keeping yourself housed and fed is this neverending struggle. Like. Sure, the needs of the body give your life *structure*, but at what cost?" Seeming to realize he's on a tangent, he snaps back an inch or two and reaches for his coffee. "I mean. It's worth it, obviously, just...hey, can I ask you something else?" He's just forging on past any defensiveness, here. "You ever see someone who disappeared so much they were dead just - turn up again?" +----+ Gareth +----------------------------------------------------------------+ Zach's words ease Gareth out from his defensiveness, at least, until his question, and he immediately uncurls from the seat, leaning towards Zach. A MYSTERY! "I guess that depends what you mean by dead," he considers, leaning his elbow on the table and resting his chin in the curl of his hand, peering over Zach's laptop unblinkingly. "Like.. body turned up, or just so disappeared that everyone *thinks* they're dead?" +----+ Zachary +---------------------------------------------------------------+ "Well." Zach starts, watching Gareth loom closer with a vague look of oopsIwenttoofar. "Maybe both? Or maybe there's not a *body* but someone's gone so long everyone thinks there is, and they get. You know. Declared dead. Legally. Which is crazy, right? That they can do that." +----+ Gareth +----------------------------------------------------------------+ "Probate's a *bitch*," Gareth says with feeling, rubbing at his nose with the back of his free hand. "It happens. I've heard of people faking their own death, or just.. disappearing and turning up somewhere else. More common than you'd think, you know?" +----+ Zachary +---------------------------------------------------------------+ "Probate," Zach echoes thoughtfully, like the word is only somewhat familiar. "It is? Aw, that's good. I mean -" What does he mean? Blue eyes flash wider in a moment of panic. "Good that. They can come back, eventually. Not good that people are faking deaths and defrauding the government, or - whatever. Bet it's hard to get that life back, though." A hint of glumness darkens his expression. +----+ Gareth +----------------------------------------------------------------+ "Yeah, it's tricky. I mean, I've been asked to prove that people are *dead* before but never *alive*," Gareth admits before he leans back in his seat, his own blue eyes scanning Zachary's features for a long moment, pensive. "So you - the *hypothetical* you in this situation," he clarifies too-quickly. "Would need to prove that you are *you*. If you went missing, people would have probably searched for you, there'd likely be DNA on file if you turned up - DNA is a pretty good piece of proof. Say it happened here in Illinois - I *think* this state is one that will recover your estate if it's possible," he muses, pulling a battered old iPhone with a cracked screen out of his pocket. He pokes at it until it lights up, before rapidly typing into it. "Yeah there looks like there's some precedent. But it depends if like... before you went missing you were in financial trouble or in deep with the law or something," he explains. +----+ Zachary +---------------------------------------------------------------+ Zachary is CAUGHT. He looks for all the world like a kid in trouble when Gareth makes it clear Zach's talking about himself, spine straight and eyes big. But Gareth just goes on - and helpfully - and he lets himself slouch back with an exhale. "Nah, never had enough financial to really get in trouble, and I'm...pretty sure my DNA would still match." He suddenly holds out a hand to Gareth, like he can forestall phone-research that has already occurred. "Oh, hey, man. I appreciate it, but I probably can't afford your rates. Unless you charge in two minute blocks or something." +----+ Gareth +----------------------------------------------------------------+ "I don't know about you but I was just talking in hypotheticals," Gareth says with a quick smile to Zachary. "And I don't charge for typing 'what happens if you come back from the dead in Chicago' into Google," he promises with a wave of his hand. "Plus, I totally owe you for saving me from being ground up in a bean machine," he adds. +----+ Zachary +---------------------------------------------------------------+ "They'd never throw you in there," Zach reassures. "You're all -" he waves that free hand circularly at Gareth. "Lean body mass. You'd throw off the delicate fats and tannin ratios, or whatever." His gaze slides sideways, tracking the informative barista's movements amongst the machines and syrups. "But if he starts coming this way, I'll let you know." +----+ Gareth +----------------------------------------------------------------+ "You can say skin and bones, I'm pretty sure they're not looking for *calcium* in their coffee, anyway," Gareth says with a self-deprecating smile. "Though maybe in their milk. Ew," he says, shaking that thought off and throws it away. "I mean the good thing is I don't *think* he was coming onto me, just thought I really wanted to hear about *roasting*. And not the kind that involves a spit," he adds dryly. "There's no way I could date someone who took that long to make me coffee in the morning." +----+ Zachary +---------------------------------------------------------------+ His brows draw apologetic at the 'ew' - after all, Zach was also all in on the cannibalism idea. "Nah, I hate to break it to you, but he was talking to me about grinds and roasts, too. Probably everyone who comes through here." A soft chuckle kindles. "I could. But he'd have to be quieter while doing it. I'm not really a morning person. Clearly, since I'm here drinking coffee well past noon. What kind of client canceled on you? Missing person? Insurance fraud?" +----+ Gareth +----------------------------------------------------------------+ "Ah well, my love for the man bun will never be," Gareth says with a flick of his hand up towards the ceiling. "Unrequited, destined for failure, etcetera etcetera." He looks more than a little grouchy at the question, or at least the *answer* to it. "Old woman who lost her cat but apparently it wandered back in ten minutes before our appointment. Mystery solved." +----+ Zachary +---------------------------------------------------------------+ Synonyms! They make Zach grin. "You're good at finding animals, too? Dick Tracy, on the case." After he drinks, he rests the side of his mouth on the back of a hand and stage-whispers over it: "Do you want me to go kidnap the cat? Sometimes you gotta make the news to report on it, right?" +----+ Gareth +----------------------------------------------------------------+ Gareth laughs out loud, his head tipping back at the sheer surprise of it all, his neck bared to Zach as he flops back into the chair. The barista looks *annoyed* that someone is having FUN in his coffee shop. It takes Gareth a moment or two to get his giggles under control before he gives a quick shake of his head. "It's tempting, really really tempting, but man, I'm desperate, but not that desperate yet," he says warmly. +----+ Zachary +---------------------------------------------------------------+ "Alright, alright. I'm not gonna *hurt* a cat for someone I've only known fifteen minutes, but *kidnap* one? I got your back." Zach settles back into his chair, a pleased smile curling his lips. "So, you from Chicago? I'm not, originally. Been here for a bit, though." +----+ Gareth +----------------------------------------------------------------+ "No hurting cats," Gareth says with a wag of his finger. "Not even for someone you've known forever." He seems serious on that point. "Ehhh... close enough," he decides in answer to Zach's question. "Do the suburbs count? If they do, then yes! What about you, where were you before Chicago?" he asks, blissfully unaware. +----+ Zachary +---------------------------------------------------------------+ "Missing," Zach answers glibly, lips twisted into a smirk. "Remember? I'm from the suburbs, too, though. Had those nice, oblivious, protective parents." He shuts his laptop, trusting the conversation to protect them from any forsworn coffee Knowledge. "And no hurting cats, ok. You convinced me." +----+ Gareth +----------------------------------------------------------------+ "I'm glad I could be so convincing!" Gareth says, clearly pleased. And then launches into the *deepest* conversation about the Chicago suburbs this coffee shop has ever seen. It's lucky they have free refills. +----+ Gareth +----------------------------------------------------------------+ When Gareth *eventually* leaves he leaves Zach his card. It looks very serious. But it does have a phone number that probably works. +----+ Zachary +---------------------------------------------------------------+ Zachary tucks it away for future questions about Illinois probate law. | |